It's a Family Affair

 

Game Winners sporting their prize hats.

For the second weekend in a row, I was blessed to be able to hang out and relax with some of my extended family. It was a beautiful thing. I was able to spend time with cousins and relatives that I had not seen in almost 20 years.  Even though my own children were meeting some of their cousins for the first time...they all seemed as if they had been friends for years.

At one point in the day I just sat and watched everyone playing, eating and having fun...and to be honest my heart was extremely full!   There was plenty of good food and lots of games played.  The theme of the day was "Family."  Most of the games focused on family history and important dates and events that helped shape or influence the history of the family.

I also managed to spend some time with my Uncle who had just celebrated his 72nd Birthday the week before.  I sat and listened taking in every word he said...I couldn't help but notice how much like my dad he looked.  He shared stories with me about the adventures he had with my father and through talking with him I have begun to understand my own father even more.

As an added bonus, at the end of the day they gave away bags filled with Back to School supplies to all of the kids.  As the sun began to go down and all of the torches were put out...it was time to say good bye.  Fun was had by all and we all exchanged numbers with our guest from out of town, and promises were made to make sure we all kept in touch...and to the best of my ability it is a promise I intend to keep.

As I drove home I couldn't help but think about how much I really needed this.  I couldn't help but think about how much spending time with my extended family filled in some of the missing pieces of my own life.  I thought about how my children seemed to find common ground with family that they had never even seen before, and how they even seemed to share some of the same habits, hobbies and even the same humor.

Family has always been important to me...but I really had not put the same amount of attention and effort into my extended family that I have with my immediate family (wife & kids)  This weekend serves as a reminder for me that my family as a whole really is a treasure worth keeping.  Through spending time with them I am reminded of where I came from...I am reminded of the potential that is still untapped in me...I am reminded that there are still people out there who love and care for me and want nothing but the best for me.  I am reminded that no matter what there is nothing as great or as strong as the family that appreciates each other and manages to put all of the dumb stuff aside and appreciate and celebrate each other with the time we are blessed with.

This weekend will be etched in my memory as a reminder of the importance of family.  I know that this is something that I should remember...but the truth is...
sometimes I forget.

Life is Both Precious and Short...

So Don't Waste It...

  This weekend was sort of bitter sweet for me.  I celebrated the birthday of one close relative and said goodbye to another.  Both events found me looking back over my life, and both events triggered the memory of having to say goodbye to my father.

In the case of my father and I, a very valuable lesson was learned.  I had waited years for my father to change...waited years for him to admit that he could have done things differently.  I wasted years focusing on the fact that I thought he did things wrong...wasted years waiting on him to see things my way.  Before I knew it almost 30 years had gone by.  When I received the call from him, expressing all of those things I had waited for...I almost couldn't believe it.  When he asked me to return home to help him out I quickly responded yes.

Unfortunately just a few days after I returned...he was gone.  As I stood there, next to his bed, as he took his last breath it was as if the realization that the clock had stopped, had suddenly struck me.  There was no more time to share my thoughts with him.  There was no more time to sit and talk with him and share what I learned from him and what things I wished he had done differently.  There was no more time for anything.

At that moment I felt like a fool.  All of those things that I had been holding on to no longer had any importance.  I realized that all those years of waiting on him had been wasted.

I now realize and respect that fact that our time here is short...and it is something that should not be taken lightly.  I really should not put off for tomorrow the things that I can do today, especially those things that involve or affect others.  Even though I hope that myself and the people I love stay around for a long time I must remember that the unexpected sometimes happens.  I must make sure that I deliver my flowers, kind words and good deed to the people in my life now...while I still can because the day will come when I will no longer be able to do so.

Life is both precious and short, this is something that I need to remember...but sadly the truth is...

sometimes I forget

Talk and Listen to Every Older Black Man Past Fifty That You Possibly Can

My Uncle Celebrating his 72nd Birthday

  In Letter Eighteen of his book "Letters To Young Black Men, Advice and Encouragement for a Difficult Journey,"  Daniel Whyte III advises young black men to "Talk and Listen to Every Older Black Man Past Fifty That You Possibly Can."  

 I have been both blessed and fortunate that throughout my life their have been several older men who have taken the time and interest to talk to me and share some of the life lessons that they have learned, and I have been equally blessed and fortunate that at those times I had been at a point and position in life that I actually valued what they had to say and I earnestly listened to what they had to say to me.

Somewhere along the line however after moving around and relocating and getting caught up in being successful, I failed to notice that there were very few older men around me to share with me and help me to establish a broader picture of life.  I didn't realize that it was a missing piece until several years ago when my father called me and asked me to move back home and help him out.

  Unfortunately my father passed away before I had a real chance to sit and just talk with him.  After his passing however I had the opportunity to sit and talk with several of my uncles, who have taken the time and share some of their history and experiences with me.  After sitting and talking with them, I began to understand a lot about myself and my father. 

Months after my father passed I found myself back in the groove of working and providing, so much so that I actually neglected to make or take the time to spend with my uncle(s) and learn from them.  Once again I was oblivious to my need to do such a thing until this past week when I received an invite to my uncle's 72nd Birthday Party!

Once I arrived at the party and had time to sit and talk with my uncle I was both pleased and convicted.  Pleased that I was able to hear and learn more from him, convicted because I realized that I had allowed a lot of missed opportunities to spend time with him.  I tried to spend as much time with him as possible...so much so that one of my cousins accused me of monopolizing all of my uncle's time.

 In just the short time I spent with him I felt that I had learned a lot.  I realize that it is important for me to both take and make the time to sit and learn from those who are older than me.  I must take the time to:

• Ask intelligent questions and then wait and listen to the answers.

• Not Delude or trick myself into thinking that I know it all already.

• Spend more time with older wiser men.

• Recognize the people that God has placed in my circle and take advantage of them being there. 

  After spending time with my uncle this weekend, one thing is clear to me.  It is important that I spend time with the older wiser men in my circle and I need to continually surround myself with people who are wiser than me, who care about me and are willing to share their knowledge with me.  It is also clear to me that this kind of thinking takes energy and effort, and that even though I am aware that it is important for me to remember this....the truth is that...

sometimes I forget...

What Have You Done for Them Lately??

Oooooo Yeah!


Janet Jackson (Miss Jackson if you're nasty) made that a popular phrase a few years back. "What Have You Done for me Lately? Although she made it popular, she was only expressing the way most people tend to think.

Most of the time people's  memories of you consist of the latest thing you have done for them. As much as we would like them to have longer memories that isn't always the case.  People sometimes forget the things you have done for them even the things you put up with from them. When comparing checklist you will find that your list of things you have done for others will often be longer than the list they have of things you have done for them.

It's important to remember this because if you don't you will often find yourself shocked and disappointed when people begin to treat you like a stranger, or forget that it was you who was there when they were struggling and down and out.  If you don't remember this you will occasionally get your feelings hurt when people approach you with open palms looking for more as if you haven't given enough already.

It's important that you remember this because as much as we would like for people to remember all of the good things that we have done for them...the truth is that...

sometimes they forget

DWB (Driving While Black)

Sometimes I forget that I am a Black Man. That might sound crazy but it's true. sometimes  I forget that I am Black. I don't forget what I look like, nor do I forget any of my cultural and genetic dispositions...no what I forget is what it means to be a Black male in America.

During these moments of amnesia, my memory is often jolted when it comes crashing into the reality of the environment around me. For example there are days when I walk into an establishment seeking their provided services. It completely escapes me that I am Black as I approach the service desk, I'm happy and smiling ready to explain what it is that I need assistance with. Unfortunately I am reminded of my ethnicity when I addressed rudely, passed over and ignored, only to later see the same people brighten up and happily serve someone who came in after me who wasn't black. This even happens when I am making large purchases, I get the same treatment until I pull out money and then it appears that the color green overrides the fact that I am Black.

Most of the time my reminders that I am black come when I am driving along minding my own business. I am always observing the speed limit and obeying all of the traffic laws and yet I managed to get pulled over...apparently because I either look like someone or I may be related or know about someone whom the police happens to be looking for. I documented on of these occurrences in the published article "I Aint Be Got No Weapon!"  (you can read it here)


One thing is clear...until there are some major changes in society I need to remember that when I leave outside the multicultural confines of my own home and enter society....that I am a Black Man.  You would think that with all the reminders that I have that I would remember this...but the truth is...
sometimes I forget

Seasons...

There's an old proverb that declares that there is a time and a place for everything. That everything has a season, a time to be born and a time to die...a time to laugh and a time to cry. It's not a complicated process but we seem to struggle with it a lot. We don't like seasons..if we had it our way we would always have sun and no rain, laughter and no tears.

In my own life there has been many times that I have went out of my way to try and control seasons. Not only was it stupid of me but it was also very arrogant and control freak like. As hard as I tried I couldn't stop the seasons of life from changing. People left me, bad things happened or whatever the case was, but one thing was clear I  was not in control of things.

These days my challenge is, instead of trying to control or avoid the seasons of life, to try and be prepared for when they change, and to enjoy the good seasons while they are around. I realize that I must challenge myself to make the most out of every moment because the season can and will change. I am writing this today because I know that it is important for me to remember..and the truth is that

sometimes I forget

With A Child's Heart...

I recently published an article on AC Content titled "Early Morning Football." In the article I chronicled my adventures with my grandson and our  football games we used to have each morning.

He spent the summer with us and we were all sad when it was time for him to leave. Although it was just a short time, I learned a lot during his stay. Spending time with and playing with him brought back memories of when my children were his age.

I found myself remembering all of our adventures. Remembering how easily entertained my children were (and still are) I found myself remembering how precious time really is and how fast it passes us by.

In the case of my grandson, we knew that our time with him was limited so we focused on making the most out of the time we had with him. In the big scheme of things that is  how it really is...our time is short and we really should be focusing on making the most of it.

My time with my grandson serves as a reminder for me to make the most of my time, to soak up every minute I can with the people I love and to do all that I can to show them that I love and care for them. I have  remind myself daily to make the most of each day because as important as it is to remember...the truth is...
sometimes I forget

Sometimes I forget...

One of the easiest ways to become miserable and ungrateful is to forget. Forget where you came from, or forget all of the positive things and focus only on the negative. Forget which things are important and forget how fragile and valuable time is.

I have done all of the above during my lifetime. From those times I have learned that there are some important things that I need to remember and that by remembering these things I can actually enjoy life better and possibly make a difference while I am here on this earth.

I am committing some of those things I need to remember to being inked in this blog...who knows maybe the things that I need to remember will help someone else as well.


I had wanted to do this a long time ago...but sometimes I forget...